Dating in 2025 feels like sailing through stormy seas—just when you think things are going smoothly, someone who ghosted you resurfaces like a torpedo. They pop up in your DMs with a casual “Hey stranger” like nothing happened. Welcome to the world of submarining.
If you’ve ever had someone disappear without explanation, only to resurface weeks or months later acting like they never left, you’ve likely been submarined. Let’s dive deep into what this dating trend really is, why it happens, and how to handle it without getting emotionally shipwrecked.
What Is Submarining in Dating?
Submarining is when someone you were romantically talking to or casually dating vanishes without a trace—then suddenly reappears later, often without apology or explanation. The kicker? They act like everything’s fine.
The term comes from the image of a submarine that dips below the surface (i.e., they ghost you), then resurfaces without warning (i.e., they text you again as if nothing happened).
How It Differs from Other Dating Terms
- Ghosting: They vanish and never come back.
- Breadcrumbing: They stay in touch with low-effort messages to string you along.
- Orbiting: They stop talking but still view your Stories and like your posts.
- Submarining: They disappear completely, then pop back up pretending it’s all normal.
In short, submarining combines the vanishing act of ghosting with the nerve of pretending nothing’s wrong.
Why Do People Submarine in 2025?
Let’s be real: the dating landscape today is messy. With a dozen apps and endless swiping options, it’s not surprising people are more flaky than ever.
1. Too Many Options, Too Little Effort
People treat dating like a buffet. When someone new catches their eye, they might abandon an old connection, only to come back when the new thing fizzles out.
2. FOMO and Boredom
They left because they weren’t sure. They’re back because their other prospects dried up or because they feel lonely on a Sunday night.
3. Avoidance of Conflict
Some people hate confrontation. Instead of saying, “Hey, I’m not feeling this,” they vanish—and hope they can slide back in later without a hard conversation.
4. Emotional Immaturity
They don’t understand or care about the emotional impact their behavior has. Or worse—they know, and they just don’t care.
5. Life Genuinely Got in the Way (Rare but Possible)
In some cases, things like personal crises, illness, or mental health struggles really did force them to disappear. Still, genuine reasons require genuine apologies.
How to Spot Submarining Behavior
The signs are usually pretty obvious if you know what to look for:
- They reappear out of nowhere, usually with a casual tone.
Example: “Hey you! Just thought of you randomly :)” - They completely ignore the fact they ghosted you.
- They make no attempt to explain where they went.
- They try to resume the conversation or flirt like no time has passed.
- They might love-bomb to make up for their disappearance—but with no real accountability.
- They disappear again after getting what they want.
Emotional Impact: Why Submarining Hurts So Much
Even if you weren’t head-over-heels, submarining can sting—and here’s why:
- It reopens old emotional wounds.
- It confuses you and creates doubt about your own judgment.
- It might give you false hope that something real could still happen.
- It undermines trust and reinforces dating cynicism.
Dating is already an emotional gamble. Submarining feels like someone throwing your poker chips off the table and walking away—only to return later like they never left the game.
What to Do When Someone Submarines You
Okay, they’re back in your inbox. Now what?
1. Don’t Rush to Reply
Take a breath. You don’t owe them a reply. Ask yourself: Do I really want to re-engage with someone who disappeared without a word?
2. Ask Direct Questions
If you do respond, be upfront:
“Hey, last time we talked you ghosted me. Just curious—what made you reach out again?”
Their answer (or lack of one) tells you everything.
3. Set Boundaries
Make it clear what you expect moving forward. If they’re serious about reconnecting, they’ll respect your standards.
4. Watch Their Actions
Are they consistent this time? Or are they just here for attention or a hookup?
5. Be Okay with Walking Away
Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. Sometimes, it’s you deciding you deserve better.
Can You Ever Give a Submariner a Second Chance?
Sure. People make mistakes. But that doesn’t mean you have to let them back in.
When It Might Be Okay:
- They acknowledge the disappearance and take responsibility.
- They offer a valid reason (and it checks out).
- Their behavior is now consistent, respectful, and thoughtful.
- You weren’t that emotionally attached before.
When It’s Not Worth It:
- They dodge accountability or act like you’re overreacting.
- They disappear again after a short time.
- Your gut tells you this is a pattern, not an exception.
Let your standards be higher than your feelings.
How to Avoid Getting Submarined Again
You can’t control other people, but you can protect yourself.
- Don’t overinvest in early convos. Talk is cheap.
- Ask questions about dating intentions sooner.
- Notice red flags, like inconsistent texting or last-minute plans.
- Use platforms that prioritize connection over swiping addiction.
KASUAL
The Anonymous App for Casual Dating
✦ Tip: Try apps like Kasual that encourage quality conversations through fun features like card-flipping games and anonymous icebreakers. It helps weed out the lazy ghosters early.
Final Thoughts: Protect Your Peace
Submarining is just another modern dating headache—but one you can learn to navigate. You don’t need someone who disappears without warning and pops back up like it’s nothing.
You need someone who stays. Who shows up consistently. Who values communication over confusion.
Until then? Keep your standards high and your boundaries firm.
You’re not the harbor he drifts in and out of — you’re the ocean itself.