The year 2022 was a challenge for sexual intercourse. The COVID-19 pandemic influenced sex in the life of almost every individual – for better or for worse. Whichever the case, both groups of people must have had an enhancement in sexual fantasies.
When talking about some of the most common sexual fantasies, it turns out that rough sex is a prevalent sexual fantasy, and most people have either tried it or want to try it. Even though some consider rough sex controversial (as most other sex-related stuff), it’s very common.
What we refer to as “rough sex” differs from couple to couple. Each person has different turn-ons so how rough the sex will be in your case depends solely on you and your partner, but it’s definitely something people really enjoy.
As rough sex includes some instances of pain in each setting, we’ve decided to dig deeper into this topic. We’ll try to bring rough sex closer to you, why people enjoy it, and whether there is something related to rough sex that psychology can explain.
Why do people find rough sex arousing?
People turn to rough sex when they feel that things in the bedroom have become monotonous and vanilla. To maintain sexual excitement, sometimes we have to mix things up. Rough sex is something that can spice things up.
In the first lines, rough sex can lead to heightened orgasms most of the time. Women usually take 13 minutes to reach their climax, so they opt for rough sex to reach it faster. Though reaching orgasms usually within 6 minutes, men opt for rough sex to have a new experience.
This new experience, both in men and women, triggers a desire to have rough sex regularly. If a man gets separated from his partner or suspects cheating, he will feel the need for rough sex. Strange as it may sound, jealousy actually triggers sperm competition in men.
Sperm competition is a notion where men want aggressive sex and show their power and dominance by thrusting the penis deep inside vigorously to remove the semen of the partner who was there before them.
We must also mention alcohol as another stimulant that makes people resort to rough sex and find it arousing. You must have noticed that when you feel drunk, your senses get dulled, and you are somewhat numb to any type of physical pain.
Women, for example, forget that their legs aren’t shaved when they’re drunk, which, in turn, gives them more confidence to indulge in a rough sexual act fully. This combination of numbness to pain and heightened confidence is perfect for an onset of a craving for rough sex.
Another stimulant for rough sex is when your body gets pumped up even before the start of your sexual encounter. If you are already horny in the foreplay, there is a higher chance that the sexual experience will be more intense and active.
How does psychology explain the need for rough sex?
Each human being has completely different fetishes and sexual preferences, and they vary from person to person. From time to time, though, almost every individual has taken enjoyment in rough sex. Even the people who seem the most gentle outside of the bedroom.
It can be tough to understand why people actually enjoy mixing pain with pleasure in rough sex. Each person has their reasons. However, some of these reasons may have a lot to with psychology, which is why we’ll take a closer look at what this field of study has to say about rough sex.
The four facts about the psychology behind rough sex common for all people are:
No Psychological Issues Cause it
Many people believe that there is f psychological issue behind liking it dirty in sex or enjoying the dominant/submissive roles. However, in psychology, there is nothing that can explain and prove the connection between the two.
If you simply enjoy kinkier and rougher sex – there is nothing wrong with you. On the other hand, if you find that you can’t be satisfied with just regular sex from time to time and always want it to be better and newer, there may be a psychological tie to your sex life.
For those who simply enjoy rough sex, end up with sex bruises after more violent sex, and enjoy spanking – there’s nothing wrong with that. Moreover, liking violent sex doesn’t mean that your relationship will be violent.
It Has a Lot to Do with Trust
Consensual sex always implies trust coming from both partners. In rough sex, in particular, there is even more trust involved. As it can sometimes get to a point where it’s too much, you have to be certain that your partner will stop if you need them to.
There is usually a safe word for this in most cases, but whichever the queue sign for stopping, there has to be pure commitment involved in the whole process. Also, nothing can stop you from enjoying a romantic cuddle afterward – in fact, it’s recommended.
There was a stigma around rough sex for a long time, and people considered it purely sexual. However, rough sex can be very gentle. Yes, your bodies won’t touch as much, but you will be intimate on a deeper level.
In rough sex, one partner is usually dominant, and the other is submissive. But it doesn’t make you less submissive if you ask your partner to stop, and it doesn’t make you less dominant if you ask your partner whether everything feels right.
It is Usually Caused by Urgency
Urgency in sex is always sexy. Suppose your partner implies that they have to have you right here and right now; you will definitely get aroused because they want you so bad. Rough sex is just what takes place in these situations, where your partner wants to pin you to bed on the spot.
A lot of people are already familiar with the term “quickie.” After some time spent with their partners, almost everyone has tried it. And there is definitely something sexy about knowing you have limited time for sex. Now, how would it be quick if there’s no roughness involved?
When we have rough sex, the part in our brain responsible for immediate gratification activates. Consequently, we never worry about working our way slowly to the point of climax in rough sex; we accept it and enjoy it to the fullest.
If you are currently not in a relationship and still have the urge to try out rough sex with somebody, online dating sites for one-night stands can help you find like-minded people and want the same things as you without further commitment.
It’s Normal to Have Cravings for It
Odd as it may sound, human beings crave being scared. Naturally, the extent of the craving varies from person to person, but there is a thrill to it among all. The crucial thing in it is to communicate openly with our partners, build trust, and set boundaries for rough sex.
Just like when we’re watching a horror movie but still feel safe and can stop watching when it’s overwhelming, we can stop watching; we can also tell our partner to stop. So what do people actually crave here for?
The craving stems from the need to be in control. When one partner is completely in control of the other partner and can control their body and the roughness of the sex, it’s hard not to feel some pleasure from it. As a result, this enjoyment leads to even harder, faster, and rougher sex.
Sometimes a breach in communication can take place in pursuing rough sex very often. One partner may start feeling inferior, and even though there is trust between the two partners, one may start closing up and isolating from the relationship.
When this happens, no matter how hard you try to get back to open communication, too much emotion involved makes conversations fail. But even here, you needn’t worry. Even if one partner doesn’t want couple’s therapy, there are ways to go around it and get the help you need.
When does rough sex cross the line?
A distinction has to be made between sexual assault and pure rough sex. Sometimes these two notions overlap. Consent is present in rough sex along with pleasure, while sexual assault lacks that consent and is never combined with pleasure.
Rough sex has to include careful negotiation about the exchange of power, taking into account what the giver wants to give and what the receiver is willing to take and say “yes” to. For example, partners have to talk about potential past traumas related to that role-play if there is role-play.
Likewise, if someone has a fetish of being punched during sex, partners have to negotiate safe places on the body for punching. This type of careful negotiation ensures that there won’t be any emotional triggers during sex that can be overwhelming to get out of.
Even if there is no past trauma, these conversations are crucial, and patiently listening to how far your partner is willing to go is the only way your rough sex, or any other fetish for that matter, can be carried out without consequences.
How to do it safely?
If you are a newbie in rough sex, it’s important to learn how to do it safely. Even though movies are full of rough sex, it is still considered off-limits and edgy by some. Start with something you are familiar and accustomed to, like having your hair pulled during a blow job.
Next, you can also start with something mildly intense, like being held down during the sexual act. After you feel completely fine with those, you can build up from there. Also, don’t be hesitant to communicate about what you want to try with your partner.
Only if you openly talk about your fetishes, study them, and explore them with your partner can you get accustomed to them and explore further. It’s okay to be kinky. There are even several dating sites for kink and fetish lovers where single people can find like-minded people.
If you wish to try rough sex with someone new, these online dating sites for that specific target group should be your go-to. Naturally, respect all the precautions we’ve mentioned above and make sure that once you find a match, you both agree to consensual rough sex.
Yes, it’s okay to try out new stuff with someone you see for the first time. It doesn’t have to lead to anything serious. Casual sex has positive benefits and is something most single people resort to before settling down for marriage.
We hope that you better understand why there is an overall thrill in people when it comes to rough sex. It involves a lot of trust between partners, it is an ordinary urge, and there’s definitely nothing wrong psychologically with people who enjoy rough sex.
The most important thing is to choose a safe word with your partner and make sure that the line is never crossed. Additionally, informing yourself about STD constantly in whichever fetish you decide to pursue with your partner is highly recommended.
You can try rough sex with an existing partner or find a partner for it online, but whatever you are intent on trying is out there, and you are not alone. It’s also crucial that you realize that you need to communicate openly at the very beginning of trying out new stuff with your partner.